Mishpatim is often described as a list of laws. And in one sense, it is. There is no dramatic narrative. No miracles.
Instead, we get case after case, law after law, scenario after scenario, filled with one small word that appears again and again.
IF
If someone is hurt. If trust is broken. If something goes wrong. At first glance, Mishpatim can feel deflating. After the Revelation at Sinai, why pivot to hypotheticals?
But I think Mishpatim is doing something radical. It is teaching us three things most of us were never taught explicitly:
- Worry is not a failure of faith.
- Planning for pain is an act of love.
- Talking about “what if” does not invite disaster, it builds trust.
Mishpatim is not pessimistic. It is deeply compassionate.
G-d does not say, “Nothing bad will ever happen.” G-d says, “When something happens, here is how you stay human.”
This is a Torah for people who live in the real world.
It especially resonates for grandparents. Because many of the IFs you carry are quiet ones.
- If my connection is not the one I want.
- If my role changes.
- If my grandchildren grow up in a Jewish world very different from mine.
- If there are things I want to pass on and I am not sure how.
Mishpatim suggests that love is not proven by ignoring these questions, but by engaging them gently and honestly.
Here are three simple ways to work with the IF this week.
- Name it. What are the IFs you carry quietly? Not the dramatic ones. The honest ones. Naming a few of them to yourself is not weakness. It is clarity.
- Make it tangible. Ask yourself: What is one small step that would help me feel more grounded around this concern? A conversation. A note. A boundary. Planning does not eliminate uncertainty, but it reduces anxiety. Maybe asking yourself is not enough. Explore this with someone you trust.
- Share wisdom, not worry. Think back to an IF you once faced around the age your grandchildren are now. Something you worried about and lived through. Share the story, not as a lesson, but as perspective. This is how trust is transmitted across generations.
Mishpatim reminds us that foresight is not fear. It is responsibility. And that the most loving thing we can say to the future is not “everything will be fine,” but “we have thought about this, and we are here.”
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbanit Sharona Hassan
Founder of Grand Plan
