This week’s Grand Plan learning is lovingly sponsored by Rachel Wilson who shares, “As I step into this role as a grandparent, I carry many women's wisdom and example with me. Their examples are the foundation I'm building on, and I am endlessly grateful for the kinds of love they modeled. This is for them.”
There is a stage in childhood that every parent and grandparent recognizes, usually with both delight and mild exhaustion: the “Why?” stage.
“Why is it dark?”
“Why do I have to sleep?”
“Why is the sky blue?”
“Why can’t I eat ice cream for breakfast?”
And just when you think you have answered the last question, another one arrives. And another. And another.
It is adorable. It is exhausting. And it is also deeply profound.
Because “Why?” is not just a question. It is how children begin to make sense of a world they did not create and do not yet understand.
Parashat Chukat opens with a similar tension. It introduces us to the idea of chok, a mitzvah that does not fit neatly into human logic.
We often describe mitzvot in three categories:
- Mishpatim - laws that make sense to us, like not stealing or not harming others.
- Eidot - rituals that testify to something deeper, like Shabbat or matza.
- Chukim - laws that sit beyond human understanding, like the red heifer in this week's parsha.
The challenge of a chok is not only obedience. It is trust and humility.
Can we continue to live faithfully even when we do not fully understand?
Chukat does not remain an abstract discussion of the red heifer. It quickly becomes painfully relatable, touching on many of the questions we are struggling with today.
This parasha includes:
- The deaths of Miriam and Aaron
- Disappointment in leadership when Moshe strikes the rock.
- Antisemitism when Edom refuses passage
- Disease, plague and suffering.
- Miraculous healing for only some people.
It is almost as if the Torah is saying: life itself is often a chok.
Not everything will make sense. Not everything will resolve neatly. Not everything will come with an explanation.
This is where the connection to grandparenting becomes so real.
Because grandchildren ask “Why?” not only about ice cream and bedtime, but eventually about much harder things.
Why did someone get sick?
Why did someone we love die?
Why do people hurt each other?
Why doesn’t God stop it?
The honest truth is that sometimes we do not have answers.
But that does not mean we are without a role.In fact, some of the most important moments of grandparenting happen not when we provide answers, but when we help a child carry a question.
One of the most important gifts a grandparent can offer is not explanation, but companionship inside the question.
Not rushing to close the uncertainty, but staying present within it.
Children do not only need answers. They need to learn that they can live safely even when answers are not immediately available.
This is something grandparents, perhaps more than anyone, can model.
You have lived long enough to know that:
Some questions eventually find meaning.
Some remain open.
Some change shape over time.
And some simply teach us how to live with humility.
What does it look like to help a grandchild with “Why?”:
1. Joyful. Share a light “Why?” story with your grandchildren this week. Something funny or relatable from your own life or from when their parents were young. Let curiosity feel safe and even joyful, not heavy.
2. Intentional. When a difficult “Why?” question arises, resist the urge to immediately fix or explain. Try sitting in the question with them. You can say, “That is a really good question. I do not think we fully understand this, but I am here with you as we think about it together.”
3. Connection. Share a story from your own life when you did not understand something for a long time. Not as a lesson, but as a memory. Let them see that uncertainty is part of a faithful and meaningful life, not something to fear or rush through.
Wishing you a Shabbat of joyful, intentional connection,
Rabbanit Sharona Hassan
Founder of Grand Plan
You can sponsor a weekly connection email or Connecting Jewish Grandparents podcast episode.
Use this learning in honor or memory of someone you love.
A parent.
A grandparent.
A child.
Whether celebrating a joyous life-cycle event or honoring the memory of those no longer with us, it is a meaningful way to connect the generations and mark a legacy.
If that speaks to you, I would be honored to include your dedication.https://grandplan.kit.com/profile/sponsorship
Did you listen to the Connecting Jewish Grandparents: The Grand Plan Podcast this week?
Spotify: bit.ly/JewishPodcast
Apple: bit.ly/JewishGrandApple
