This week’s parashot, Acharei Mot–Kedoshim, take us into one of the holiest moments of the year: Yom Kippur.
The Torah describes the service of the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, as he moves between the people and the most sacred space, the Holy of Holies.
And something striking happens.
He changes his clothes.
Five times.
Why should the holiest day be spent in wardrobe changes?
When he is with the people, he wears eight garments, layered, detailed. He represents the entire nation.
But when he enters the Holy of Holies, it is just him and the Divine.
And there, he wears only four simple white linen garments.
Stripped down. Personal. Quiet.
Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch explains this change in a powerful way.
In those white garments, the Kohen Gadol is not focused on the people. He is focused on himself, his own inner work, his own relationship with G-d.
In the 8 layers, he is a leader, connected to the people and the clothes are to serve them.
Two roles.
One person.
This is not just about Yom Kippur. It is not just about the Kohen Gadol.
It is about us.
As grandparents, we are always “showing up.”
But how?
Are we coming in wearing the “eight garments”?
Fully focused on our grandchildren, their needs, their world?
Or are we wearing the “four garments”?
Grounded in who we are, our own presence, our own identity?
Many of us feel the tension.
Should it be all about them?
Or do I need to hold onto myself?
The Kohen Gadol teaches us:
It is not one or the other.
It is knowing when to wear which garments.
This shows up in the smallest, most practical ways.
What shoes am I wearing today?
Can I get down on the floor with a toddler?
What is my mindset when I walk in the door?
Am I entering their world, or expecting them to enter mine?
Before we even begin the day, we can ask:
Who do I want to be today?
Three small ways to change more than your clothes:
1. Choose your “garment” before you show up. Before seeing your grandchildren or family, pause and ask: What does this moment need from me?
Name it. Not to fix it yet. Just to see it clearly.
2 . Adjust one small, practical detail. It could be your schedule, your energy, even your shoes.
Set yourself up to engage in a way that truly meets them where they are in this moment.
3. Notice when to 'change clothes'. Pay attention to a moment when you need to move between roles, from “all about them” to “grounded in me,” or the reverse.
That awareness is the work.
Before I close, I want to share something new.
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Use this learning in honor or memory of someone you love.
A parent.
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A child.
Whether celebrating a joyous life-cycle event or honoring the memory of those no longer with us, it is a meaningful way to connect the generations and mark a legacy.
If that speaks to you, I would be honored to include your dedication.https://grandplan.kit.com/profile/sponsorship
Wishing you a week of intention, balance, and meaningful presence,
Rabbanit Sharona Hassan
Founder of Grand Plan
Did you listen to the Connecting Jewish Grandparents: The Grand Plan Podcast this week?
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