Moving Toward Connection | Vayera
“I don’t see my grandchildren enough!”
It is a familiar refrain. Even if you don't say it aloud, you carry it in your heart. We want more time with our grandchildren, more opportunities to share our stories, values, and love. Yet our children are busy, our grandchildren have their own schedules, and invitations don't always come as often as we would like.
But this week's Torah portion offers a different question: Instead of focusing on how often our grandchildren come to us, what can we do to make connection more likely?
Avraham's Open Tent
At the beginning of Vayera, Avraham sits at the entrance to his tent when he sees three strangers approaching. He doesn't wait for them to come to him. He runs to greet them, invites them to rest, and rushes to prepare food. His hospitality is not passive. He has arranged his home and life to make welcoming others a priority.
What would it mean for us to approach grandparenting in the same way?
We cannot always control how much time we spend with our grandchildren. We may live far apart, have complicated family dynamics, or find that our lives follow different rhythms. But we can consider whether we have arranged our lives in ways that make connection easier or harder.
There is another remarkable detail. Avraham has just undergone brit milah, a painful procedure at any age, especially at 99! He should be resting and healing. Yet when he sees an opportunity to welcome guests, he acts.
Our own health and physical limitations are real, and we must respect them. But perhaps we can find ways to connect within our circumstances. We may not have the energy to host an afternoon visit, but could we make a phone call? We may not manage a full day together, but could we offer twenty minutes of undivided attention?
Connection rarely happens by accident. We need to look for opportunities to move toward our grandchildren in ways that are possible for us.
JOYFUL: Make Them Feel Welcome
Avraham welcomes his guests with enthusiasm and generosity. When our grandchildren visit, do they experience our delight, or do they encounter a list of expectations and activities?
A welcoming home doesn't have to be elaborate. It is a place where grandchildren know they are wanted and can be themselves. We cannot manufacture closeness, but we can create an atmosphere in which it can grow.
INTENTIONAL: Make Room for Connection
Avraham doesn't simply hope his guests will feel comfortable. He takes action.
We, too, can create opportunities for connection. We might arrange a regular phone call, learn to use technology our grandchildren enjoy, or attend an event that matters to them.
Being intentional means examining our expectations. Are we creating opportunities for the relationship we have, or waiting for the relationship we wish we had?
Connection might begin not with the long conversation we imagined, but with a shared joke, a video game, or genuine interest in something that matters to our grandchild.
CONNECTION: Take the First Step
As grandparents, we sometimes wait for our children to invite us or our grandchildren to call. When that doesn't happen, we feel disappointed.
What might change if we took the initiative? We could make the call, send a message, suggest a visit, or ask about something important to our grandchild.
Taking initiative doesn't mean exhausting ourselves or forcing a relationship. We cannot make another person reciprocate, but we can take responsibility for the opportunities we create.
Avraham's tent reminds us that hospitality begins before the guest arrives. It begins with the way we arrange our lives, the attention we give others, and our willingness to make room.
We may not control how often our grandchildren walk through our doors. But we can consider what happens when they do, how we can connect from afar, and what we might do to bring those moments about.
Grandparenting isn't only about being available when our grandchildren come to us. It's also about finding ways to go toward them.
Your Grand Plan This Week
JOYFUL | Welcome with delight.
Let your grandchildren experience how happy you are to be with them. Make your delight in them, not just in having them visit, unmistakable.
INTENTIONAL | Make room for connection.
Choose one way to make connecting easier this week. Send a message, schedule a call, plan a visit, or make time for something your grandchild enjoys.
CONNECTION | Take the first step.
Instead of waiting for your grandchildren to reach out, initiate contact. Show interest in their world, and welcome the people they are becoming, not only the people you hope they will be.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbanit Sharona Hassan
Founder of Grand Plan
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A grandparent.
A child.
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