Before Rosh Hashanah, we spend a lot of time preparing.
We plan meals. We clean the house. We think about what to wear, who is coming, where everyone will sit, and what will be on the table.
But there is another kind of preparation that may matter even more.
What are we bringing into the new year as a family?
Rosh Hashanah is traditionally understood as the day when we proclaim God as King. The Musaf service centers around three powerful themes: Malchuyot, Zichronot, and Shofarot.
What if we allowed these three ideas to become questions for our families?
Malchuyot: What do we crown?
Every family, whether we realize it or not, puts something at the center.
What receives our attention? What earns our admiration? What do we get excited about? What do we celebrate?
During back-to-school season, this can be especially visible.
We celebrate the good grade, the prestigious school, the athletic achievement, the college acceptance, the accomplishment.
Of course we should celebrate our children's and grandchildren's achievements.
But what else do they see us getting excited about?
Kindness?
Curiosity?
Courage?
Jewish learning?
Generosity?
Creativity?
Showing up for someone who needs us?
We may tell our children what we value, but they are also watching what we crown.
Zichronot: What do we remember?
Families are built from stories.
Some stories get told over and over until they become part of the family's identity.
We remember the grandparents who came from somewhere else. The funny thing that happened when our children were young. The difficult year we survived. The family vacation that everyone still talks about.
What we remember tells the next generation something about who we are.
So as Rosh Hashanah approaches, we might ask:
What family stories do I want to make sure the next generation knows?
And perhaps even:
Are there stories I tell that are worth putting down, and stories I have forgotten that deserve to be remembered?
Grandparents have a particularly powerful role here. We often hold memories that no one else in the family can carry in quite the same way.
Shofarot: What are we calling toward?
The shofar is a call.
It wakes us up. It asks us to pay attention. It calls us toward something.
What are we calling our families toward?
What do our children and grandchildren hear when they listen to us?
Do they hear only our concerns about what they should be doing?
Or do they also hear:
I believe in you.
You can try again.
You can make a difference.
You are part of something bigger than yourself.
I want to see who you become.
We don't have to give our families a formal speech about our values. In fact, they may not remember the speech at all.
They remember what we consistently honor.
They remember the stories we tell.
And they remember the voices of the people who believed in them.
So, before Rosh Hashanah...
Instead of asking only:
What do I want to change this year?
Try asking:
What does my family crown?
What do we want to remember?
What do we want to call one another toward?
And perhaps bring one of those questions to your Rosh Hashanah table.
You might be surprised by the answers.
And perhaps it begins with three simple things:
Joyful. Think about something your family genuinely loves to celebrate. Notice the joy in it, and ask yourself what that celebration communicates about what matters to you.
Intentional. Choose one value you would like to place more visibly at the center of your family this year. Look for one small way to honor it.
Connection. Ask around the Rosh Hashanah table:
If someone watched our family for a year, what would they think we value most?
Then ask:
Is that what we want them to see?
Rosh Hashanah is a time to crown the King.
Perhaps it is also an opportunity to look honestly at everything else we have placed at the center of our lives.
Want to Explore Your Own Grandparenting?
If these questions make you curious about your own role in shaping your family, I invite you to join me this fall for Becoming the Grandparent You Want to Be, my six-week workshop beginning in mid-October.
Together, we explore what it means to be a joyful, intentional grandparent through the lives of the first Jewish parents, Torah text, reflection, conversation, and practical ideas for strengthening our relationships with our grandchildren.
It is a chance to step back from the everyday questions of grandparenting and think intentionally about who you want to be in this role, what you want to bring to your family, and what kind of legacy you want to create.
Learn more about Becoming the Grandparent You Want to Be
May we enter the new year with greater awareness of what we honor, what we remember, and what we are calling the next generation toward.
May we enter a year of good health, happiness, meaning, fulfillment, and joyful, intentional connections.
Shana Tova - שנה טובה - Anyada buena
Rabbanit Sharona Hassan
Founder of Grand Plan
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Use this learning in honor or memory of someone you love.
A parent.
A grandparent.
A child.
Whether celebrating a joyous life-cycle event or honoring the memory of those no longer with us, it is a meaningful way to connect the generations and mark a legacy.
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