I was recently watching my nephews, and as happens with kids, they started getting a little unkind to each other. Armed with my years of experience as both a mother and a teacher, I confidently stepped in. I was ready to impart wisdom, mediate the conflict, and essentially "parent" them through the moment.
It went miserably.
They did not want my parenting, and frankly, my interference only seemed to frustrate everyone. I stepped back, contemplating how I could try again with a different approach. Then the reality of the situation hit me: I am Aunt Sharona. I am not their mother. Instead of trying to usurp a job that isn't mine, I needed to proudly embrace the wonderful role I actually have.
It is remarkably easy to forget our place and desire a role that belongs to someone else. This is the exact trap that ensnares the protagonist of this week's Torah portion, Korach.
Korach was a man of immense stature, wealth, and spiritual standing. He had a vital role within the community. Yet, he wasn't satisfied. He looked at Moses and Aaron, specifically coveting Aaron's position as the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest. He gathered a rebellion, convincing hundreds of people to support him in an irrational quest to commandeer a job that was never meant for him.
The fallout from Korach's rebellion was famously disastrous. To prove who was actually chosen for the role, there was a dramatic incense sacrifice showdown. The earth literally opened up and swallowed the primary rebels. A plague broke out. Finally, as a lasting sign, Aaron's wooden staff miraculously blossomed with almonds to permanently establish his rightful place.
Looking back at my afternoon with my nephews, I am deeply thankful that I didn't need the earth to open up or a walking stick to sprout flowers just to remind me to stay in my lane!
While my little misstep happened as an aunt, I see this temptation play out most powerfully in the profound role of grandparenting.
As grandparents, you possess decades of hard-earned parenting wisdom. When you see your adult children navigating tricky parenting moments, or your grandchildren misbehaving, the instinct to step in and "fix" it is overwhelming. You want to apply your skills. You want to save them from making the mistakes you might have made. But commandeering the parent's role is Korach's trap. It can undermine your adult children and confuse your grandchildren.
Yet Korach's mistake was not simply wanting more influence. His mistake was failing to recognize the value of the influence he already had.
Grandparents can fall into the same trap. We can spend so much time wishing we had more authority, more say, or more control that we overlook the extraordinary gifts that come with being a grandparent.
The parents are the Kohen Gadol of that child's life. They make the decisions, set the boundaries, and carry the daily responsibility of raising that child.
But the grandparent? That is an entirely different, spectacularly holy position.
Parents shape daily life. Grandparents help shape family legacy.
You are the keeper of memories. The teller of family stories. The one who can remind a grandchild where they come from and what values have carried your family through generations. You can offer perspective when life feels overwhelming, encouragement when confidence is shaky, and belonging in a world that often feels disconnected.
No one else can play that role quite the way you can.
When you stop trying to be the parent, you free yourself to become the grandparent your family most needs.
How can you excel in your role?
1. Joyful. Lean into the fun parts of your role this week. Do something with a grandchild that a busy parent might not have the time or energy for right now, whether it is offering an extra scoop of ice cream, reading that same book one more time, or simply being the adult who enthusiastically says "yes" to a silly game.
2. Intentional. The next time you are tempted to step in and parent a grandchild during a difficult moment, pause and ask yourself: What can I offer in my role as grandparent? Perhaps it is encouragement for your adult child, a hug for your grandchild, or simply the gift of trust. Supporting the parent is often one of the greatest gifts a grandparent can give.
3. Connection. Share a story with your grandchild about a time you made a mistake when you were a young parent raising their mother or father. Not as a lesson or a piece of advice, but as a story. It validates the hard work of parenting while connecting the generations through shared, imperfect family history.
Do you know someone navigating family relationships with adult children, siblings, in-laws, or grandchildren? Share this email with them. The strongest families are built one thoughtful conversation at a time.
Wishing you a week of joyful, intentional connection,
Rabbanit Sharona Hassan
Founder of Grand Plan
You can sponsor a weekly connection email or Connecting Jewish Grandparents podcast episode in honor or memory of someone you love.
A parent. A grandparent. A child.
It is a meaningful way to connect generations while supporting conversations around Jewish continuity, family connection, and legacy.
https://grandplan.kit.com/profile/sponsorship
Did you watch this week's podcast?
